Thanksgiving as it should be...

guido · Site Admin Joined: Oct 18, 2004 Posts: 365 Location: Italy

Chef take it easy Smile

David Grimes, from the colums of Herald Tribune, explain how to put together everything you need for an unfogettable Thanksgiving...

Today is Monday, which means you should already be hip-deep in your Thanksgiving preparations.

My wife has said that the holiday feast is my department this year (she apparently wants to trim the guest list), so I thought I would share some of my personal recipes with you so that dinner this Thursday will be one you'll never forget.

1) Remove from your refrigerator the turkey you should have purchased last July so that it would be defrosted in time for Thanksgiving. Observe that the surface of your turkey has the kind of give one normally associates with Hummel figurines. Place turkey on your propane grill and warm at 500 degrees for 12 hours.

2) Take turkey off grill. Observe that plastic turkey-bag has become molecularly bonded with flesh of turkey. This is what chefs refer to as "crispy skin."

3) Place turkey in warm-water bath for three hours to drown any bacteria that may be entertaining thoughts of ruining your holiday festivities. While the turkey is soaking, prepare the stuffing mix thusly:

Borrow one loaf of day-old bread from whatever neighbor is still speaking to you. If you lack a compliant neighbor, substitute rice. Shred the bread/rice mixture into a large bowl and then pour yourself a nice glass of wine. Relax. You've earned it. Why break your neck? It's supposed to be a holiday, right?

Hurl some random spices into your bread/rice mixture. Chili powder and brown sugar were the first things I happened to touch in our spice cabinet, but I was trying to watch a rerun of a meaningless college football game at the time, so your results may differ. Add water to your stuffing mix and bake at 5 degrees for 12 minutes. Now would be a good time for another glass of wine.

While the stuffing is baking, consider side dishes. A little-known historical fact is that the Pilgrims served canned tuna fish to the Indians on that first Thanksgiving so many years ago. Your guests will be charmed by this anecdote and will no doubt talk about your delightful dish for years to come. A stout shot of raw whiskey would probably be a good idea at this point as it's been an exhausting day.

After awakening from nap, notice that the turkey is still floating in the sink. If you own a small dog, order it to jump into the turkey's "cavity" (nothing to do with teeth) to remove the bag of "giblets" that you probably should have thought about some time around Step One. If your dog becomes stuck, do not panic. Call your local chief of police and have him (or her) send out a SWAT team that has been specially trained for such eventualities. If the sound of Tasers and automatic-weapons fire disturbs you, consider calming your nerves with a light cordial or honey-mead. The last thing you need to be is anxious and upset when your 40 guests start arriving in the next 15 minutes.

Wake in time to see last of guests out the door. Bask in glory of a perfect meal, perfectly cooked and perfectly served. What a shame that Thanksgiving comes but once a year!

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In vino veritas!

Kate · Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 5:53 pm Post subject:

The mental picture I have right now is terrifying! I don't think you would be that bad in the kitchen hunny, I've seen you cook and have faith. Next Thanksgiving when your here we will see how you operate haha! But I'm hiding the booze just in case!
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A closed mouth gathers no feet.